Going to be an Auntie again :)

Hooray!! We found out that my SIL is pregnant with her first bub :D Due the day before Em's 3rd birthday.

I am estatic for them (they had been trying for a bit) but I'm feeling, well, a bit jealous. Not neccessarily jealous that they are having a baby (sure there is a bit of that :P - even though Z is not even 6m old yet!!) but also jealous that she'll share her pregnancy with her Mum . . .

My Mum wasn't well when I was pregnant with Emily, and she was pushing us all out of her life, so even though she was 'excited' for us, it didn't seem real if that makes sense. And when Em was just 10 wks old, she took her own life. I was a brand new mother , breastfeeding still hadn't been established (and that dried me right up) and I needed her support. Just before she died we were taking and she said that she was disappointed that she had changed hundred's of kids nappies (she was a daycare provider for 12 years) but hadn't yet changed one of Emily's. Less than a week later she was gone, that still makes me . . . angry? sad? frustrated? I really don't know if I can pigeon hole it . . .

I went all through Z's pregnancy with no-one . . . I mean yes, I do have Bec(and not discounting her great advice and help) but I needed my Mum and she wasn't there . . .

I just think over how many things in Em and Z's lives that she has missed out on and it hurts so bad.

Jade is incredibly close with her Mum, the way I was before Mum's sickness took over . . . I just hope she appreciates how lucky she is . . .

I wish her all the best and hope she has a very calm, uneventful next 8 months.